Just after finding out I might need to “let go” of my goal of 5.13 in 2013.
“Letting go” could mean a lot of things in relation to climbing…letting go after you’ve climbed a high ball boulder problem (scares the bejeezus out of me every time!), letting go when you can’t make another move on lead but you’re scared as hell about taking that fall, letting go of your ego and expectations of what grade you should be climbing, or letting go of your plans to send 5.13 this season, because you’ve faced up with the reality that it just ain’t gonna happen.
When we first started this site last February, we set a bunch of goals. We set goals for what we wanted to accomplish with the site – like an average of 300 visitors/day to our site, and hitting 100,000 views by the end of summer (we’ve exceeded both of these goals – thanks to you!) We also set a goal for ourselves in our climbing – to make sure we didn’t just talk the talk, but that we were walking the walk. The goal I set was to climb 5.13 in 2013. I’ll admit this goal was a little on the outlandish side, a bit of a stretch being that when I set the goal, I’d only climbed 5.12…once. But hey, goals should push you to dream BIG, right?
Working on my 4×4 problems to build up endurance.
I started my work toward achieving this goal last spring, and I was on track, or so I felt. I had my 4x4s to get my endurance up, my hangboard workouts, my strong ladies night climbers to motivate me, and when outside, I made myself get on 12s, even if I wasn’t sending them. And then I got pregnant.
While having a baby was also a personal goal of mine, it completely took the legs out from my goal of 5.13. Suddenly I was out of breath on a 5.9. I had to rest in the middle of a bouldering warm-up. Just the approach to the crag proved a workout. I watched as Mary cruised up 11s, and started working 12s and 13s and instead of genuine support and encouragement for her, my reaction was frustration and annoyance that I wasn’t doing the same thing. I’d spend a gorgeous day outside, climbing with our incredible group of friends, but come home pissed off that I was struggling on 5.10 climbs. I knew I needed to let go of my 5.13 in 2013 goal, but letting go is so hard!
Letting go was loaded with the fear of the unknown. Will I be able to really get after it climbing after the baby is born? Will 5.13 ever be a realistic goal for me? Will all of my friends surpass me in their climbing? Was I doomed to be a “top-rope tough guy” for the rest of my life? (No offense to you tough guys out there ;)).
Jeline Guiles, of Climb On, Sister! climbing at 28 weeks pregnant.
I can’t say exactly what finally allowed me to pry my fingers from my climbing goal and allow myself to let go as my belly swells and my body changes, but in reflecting on it over the last few weeks I can find a lot of different people to attribute it to. In part it was the acceptance and support of my friends and my husband. Despite the voice in my head telling me “you’re weak sauce now!”, my friends and husband were simply happy to have me at the crag at all. I started letting go of my fears seeing women like Jeline Guiles get back after it after having a baby. Or hearing from injured and recovering 5.14 climber Beth Rodden that, “Even if I can only climb 5.9, I’m going to climb.” It was a reminder by Carrie Cooper, climbing at 39 weeks, to do what makes you happy during your pregnancy: a reminder that climbing does make me happy, regardless of whether I’m sending 5.12 or 5.7. It was seeing Vanessa François, paralyzed from the waist down, preparing to climb El Cap. And it was also taking friends new to climbing out and having fun on beginner, moderate climbs, encouraging and coaching them (and myself) to the top.
Carrie Cooper, Prana Ambassador and climber, climbing at 39 weeks pregnant.
At 4 months into this crazy pregnancy journey, I am still climbing and climbing happy. Climbing “happy” has shifted in definition from a few months ago and that’s a good thing. Some days I am almost able to hang with Mary, and some days I hang back and play a “coaching” role for our friends new to climbing. Some days my ego comes trying to creep back in but most days I am at peace with “letting go” and enjoying the happiness that climbing brings to my life without any expectations of what I should or shouldn’t be able to do. In some ways, pregnancy has made climbing an even more liberating experience as I completely let go of all expectations, relishing purely in the joy of climbing.
Let go & Climb on! ~Cate
Crux Crush 
What a great post! I was thinking about writing something like this on my own blog – but not because I’m pregnant. 🙂
Agree, the timing of this was uncanny because I was just reflecting on my 2013 climbing goals and how they are playing out so far. My update is coming shortly.
Mine will be up on Wednesday. it would be interesting to compare notes. 😉
In case you’re interested, here’s my post about goals in climbing: http://canadiankate.wordpress.com/2013/08/22/plateaus-valleys-and-mountains-silencing-the-inner-critic/
Kate-I read your post this AM, loved it 🙂 Thanks for sharing!
Coach Cate ROCKS! Love this post 🙂 Thanks for being an inspiration and motivator to climb hard but always remembering to have fun!
Great post! I feel this frustration a lot, especially anytime I’m confronted with an injury. Getting back to that “happy place” with climbing always happens though, even if I’m not sending as hard as I want to be. 🙂
I’m sure you’ll get back to crushing and maybe will hit 5.13 next year. Reminds me of watching Jacinda Hunter at Psicocomp, still killin’ it after four kids!
Reblogged this on Walking, Rambling, Sauntering, Strolling.
Letting go is the hardest part of pregnancy: letting go of expectations and goals, and letting go of trying to control what your body is doing. Just remember to listen to what your body is telling you and you’ll have a happy and healthy pregnancy.
Congratulations and I can’t wait for future mommy posts!
Reblogged this on Sykose Extreme Sports News.
I like it
I love this post quite a lot! For people who are really psyched letting go is a though lesson. I learned the hard way when I got into martial arts as a teenager and really, REALLY wanted to get super good. The outcome was first injections in hips and then an ankle surgery. And that was the end of the dream. After two years of (almost) being a couch potato, I discovered climbing. As the same obsession mode kicked in, my body started complaining again. Now I know that I’m 10 years to old to go full-on and if I want to keep climbing and progressing it’s very often about letting go. There are some crazy dreams for “before my 30th birthday” (which is approaching painstakingly fast) and when people hear about them they think I’m nuts, but I just want to check what is still possible for me. But the top of my chart will all the time be staying healthy and if to achieve that goal I’d sometimes have to give up on something else, then so be it 🙂
I’m not pregnant, but I can related to everything else in this article. Lately I’ve been frustrated to tears with my climbing. I was pushing myself to improve letter grades as quickly as possible because I was addicted to the feeling of triumph of victory. Unfortunately that meant that defeat made me miserable.When I started feeling more misery than triumph I started wondering why I continue to climb!
The past few weeks I’ve stopped acting as my own slave driver. Instead I focus on the joy of each individual climbing movement and to my surprise my climbing ability seems to be improving 🙂
I forgot to say, great post!
Truly thoughtful.